Hurtful communication occurs when the receiver perceives a specific social interaction as upsetting or harmful emotionally.^[1] In the course of human interaction, one party will say or do something that results in unpleasant emotional feelings for another.^[2] Negative social interactions can be intentional, when one or both parties are involved in interpersonal conflict, or unintentional, such as when misunderstandings occur. Actions such as failure to recognize accomplishments or significant dates can cause hurtful outcomes within relationships.^[3]

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Hurtful communication more commonly occurs in intimate relationships where parties have disclosed more information to one another than stranger interaction.^[4] Hurtful communication has been studied in romantic relationship and parent-child relationships, with findings having potential applications in sibling relationships, in-law relationships, work relationships, educator-student relationships, and friendships. In relation to other negative emotions such as anger or guilt, hurt is more often linked to interpersonal interaction.^[3] Interactions are adversely affected by hurtful communication.^[5] Hurtful communication negatively affects trust within a relationship resulting in more defensive behavior by both parties.^[6] Hurtful communication topics can be found interpersonal communication and relational communication research.

Types of hurtful verbal communications and actions:

• Devaluation – the perception that one is not as close as thought. This can be a result of verbal or non-verbal communication where one party feels less important than they desire within the exchange. Often, devaluation is manifest through betrayal and/or rejection.^[3]
• Relational transgressions – the violation of relationship norms which causes one party to feel betrayal.
• Hurtful messages – words that result in pain. Commonly these messages are combinations of profanity, threats or attacks on appearance, competencies, origins or character.^[7]

Both the content of the message and the delivery play a part in how a hurtful message is interpreted.^[8] Content that provides new information to the recipient is considered more sensitive and better received than content that insults the person's intelligence.^[8] In terms of delivery, hurtful communication packaged in the form of giving unsolicited advice may be seen as more supportive than the same information in the form of giving orders.^[8]

Factors such as whether the hurtful communication was intentional and the frequency of occurrence has an impact on the meaning of the event.^[2] Types of hurtful communication include relational denigration, humiliation, aggression, intrinsic flaw, shock, tasteless humor, misunderstood intent, and discouragement as probable causes of hurt feelings.^[2][3] Hurtful communication is interaction that causes the receiver to feel marginalized.^[9]

The injured party most often is harmed by the undermining of self-concept^[3] causing loss of self-worth resulting in estrangement within the relationship, as receivers have difficulty trusting themselves and the one who engaged in hurtful communication.

Communication is not exclusively a sender/receiver exchange of finite information. What is communicated through verbal and nonverbal communication is interpreted by both parties through a lens of schema of previous experiences and knowledge. Rather than scholarly research defining phrases and terms that universally are considered hurtful, researchers focus on what communication causes negative feelings in the receiver. Expressions of honest feelings by one party can be devastating to the other such as professions of attraction to another person or expressing disinterest in continuing a romantic relationship.^[10] A child displaying disinterest in a parent's involvement could be considered hurtful communication just as a parent criticism could be hurtful to an adolescent. In less familiar relationships such as acquaintances or strangers, hurtful communication is more general and typically focused on observations such as gender, race, sexual orientation or identity, ethnicity, national origin, or religion often in the form of verbal slurs and hate words.^[11] The more familiar the relationship becomes, the more specific and personal hurtful communication potential.

Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi (2010) noted three ways people react and respond to hurtful communication:^[4]

• Active verbal responses- Verbally confronting the offending party.
• Acquiescent responses- Acknowledging the offender's ability to inflict pain and surrendering. This action includes forgiveness.
• Invulnerable responses- Avoidance of acceptance of a hurtful message often deflected through humor or ignoring. Rumination (over-focusing on the occurrence rather than solutions) may prevent one from moving past the infraction.^[6]

It is probable that one or more (even all three) responses occur in when someone is faced with hurtful communication. In cases where the injured party perceived the hurtful communication intentional relational distancing often occurred which complicates resolution.^[3]

Hurtful communication studies fall under relational communications which is an interdisciplinary subject with connections to psychology, sociology, and communication fields. Researchers have produced various studies over past two decades relating to hurtful communication.

• Setting boundaries