"Jumbo Breakfast Roll" is a 2006 single by Irish comedian Pat Shortt, under the guise of Showband singer 'Dicksie Walsh'. The subject of the song is the ubiquitous (in Ireland) breakfast roll.

The song was a number one hit in the Republic of Ireland for six weeks.^{[citation needed]} It was the best selling song of 2006 in Ireland,^[1] outselling Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" by 500 copies.

According to figures compiled by GfK Chart-Track Jumbo Breakfast Roll came in at number 11 on the list of top selling songs of the decade. Pat Howe, music manager for HMV Ireland described it as a "guilty pleasure" and noted the Irish have a thing for novelty songs.^[2]

The narrator of the song is a man who appears to work in menial work (based on the reference to a 'luminous jacket' like the ones worn at work sites). The man feels he has no time for a good breakfast, not even muesli; instead, he goes to the local filling station and buys a jumbo breakfast roll. The narrator describes his breakfast roll as containing two eggs, two sausages, two rashers, two other cuts of bacon, two puddings ('one black, one white') and sauce; he likes tea with milk and sugar with his roll. He suggests that a breakfast roll is perfect for those who work out and about on a daily basis.

The song takes a twist halfway through, when the narrator has a stomach ache after having his daily breakfast roll. He consults with his doctor, who is appalled to discover that his patient has a breakfast roll (or 'artery blocker') every morning. Determined to change the narrator's lifestyle, the doctor makes him walk 5 miles (about 8 km) every day, and visit a dietician named Noel. Several years later, the narrator has lost 3 stone (19 kg or 42 pounds), has gotten a date with a vegetarian (and is going on her diet), has lower cholesterol and has a healthy heart. He admits, however, that he misses his breakfast roll and would 'sell his soul' to have one.

A reprise, called "Where Did My Money Go", deals with running out of money.