Captain Hero falls for Clara's mentally retarded cousin, Bleh, who is visiting the house, after Spanky promises to pay him $50 to seduce her. Meanwhile, Ling-Ling is discovered to secrete a hallucinogenic drug when disappointed, and Xandir, Toot and Wooldoor take advantage of this.

Musical number: "Girly Girl" (background)

Spanky teaches Clara how to prank the pizza man, sparking a romantic relationship between the pair (of which Clara's father disapproves). Meanwhile, Xandir is upset when Captain Hero keeps canceling their plans together (due to Captain Hero's heroic duties).

Musical number: "The Time of My Life" (Broadcast only), untitled replacement song (DVD only)

Captain Hero is forced to honor a marriage pact with his old girlfriend, Unusually Flexible Girl; however, when he confesses to her that he does not want to marry her, she soon becomes engaged to Wooldoor, and Captain Hero suddenly aches to have her back. Meanwhile, Foxxy reunites with her band members during a drunken night out, but when she accidentally kills them in a car accident, Foxxy is initially depressed, until Spanky offers to help her regain her fame by recording a song; Foxxy accepts this offer and takes advantage of the deaths of her band members by creating a song based on the car accident.

Musical number: "Crashy Smashy Die Die Die"

After Wooldoor hits puberty and becomes uncontrollably horny, Foxxy teaches him how to masturbate, and using this new knowledge, Wooldoor produces sperm (which take the shape of "clum babies") with magical healing powers—something that Princess Clara vehemently crusades against (mainly by using the VeggieFables, a parody of VeggieTales, to show Wooldoor the error of his ways and teach him the ways of Christianity, which actually works) until she contracts tuberculosis, and becomes desperate to be healed by a clum baby. Now close to death, Clara is dragged to the church that Wooldoor now prays in by Foxxy and Spanky; however Wooldoor is thoroughly convinced of the error of his ways by the VeggieFables, but is forced to produce a clum baby to heal Clara through means of torture from Foxxy and Spanky, causing him to be caught between the conflicting ways of the VeggieFables and his fellow housemates. Meanwhile, Captain Hero and Xandir follow Ling-Ling to a night club, then, the next morning, Ling-Ling is forced into an "arranged battle" by his parents, through which he meets the girl of his dreams.

Musical number: "God Is Watching Everything You Do"

When an Indian casino opens up next door, Foxxy opens a strip club (and ends up competing with Clara for her father's love), while Captain Hero takes part in fixed fights at the casino so that he and Spanky can make a profit, until he betrays Spanky by going it alone to make a profit by himself.

Musical number: "Lady Luck"

The other housemates discover that Wooldoor has been making secret voyages to the Live-Action Forest and has brought back a live-action cow. They convince Wooldoor to take her back to the forest and he does so, but then realizes that he cannot live without her. He then returns to the forest, unknowingly followed by the other housemates, and finds the live-action cow, but he and the other housemates are attacked by the most feared animal in the forest, a live-action squirrel with big balls, but the live-action cow saves them in a battle, but catches rabies from the squirrel, meaning she must be shot, leaving Wooldoor distraught. Meanwhile, Toot fears to go to her fat camp reunion, worried that she will be teased by the bullies at the camp, but then she discovers a video game cheat book for "The Legend of Xandir" in the attic, and uses it to control Xandir so he can accompany her to the reunion.
Musical number: "Honey Baked Ham"

Xandir has a romantic encounter with Tim Tommerson, who appears to be Captain Hero's alter ego; the other housemates plot their vengeance on an Entertainment Weekly writer who panned the show for being offensive and tasteless, which caused Spanky to believe he was the problem and leave the house. Later, episode 214 showed Captain Hero and Tim Tommerson to be different characters.
Musical number: "Morning Train"

Captain Hero uses steroids to win the AIDS walk; Spanky convinces Wooldoor to steal candy from the mall.

Musical number: "Judge Fudge Power Hour Theme Song"

Guest stars: Billy West as Mall Security Guard, Popeye and Stimpy, and Alex Borstein as AIDS Walk Coordinator and Lois Griffin

Clara gets an operation (from Wooldoor) to remove her Octopussoir; Toot is sent to a nursing home after the other housemates believe she has Alzheimer's.

Musical number: "You'll Really Love Being Abandoned Here"

Captain Hero sets up his own fraternity, with Wooldoor and Xandir as pledges, to compete with the new Greek family next door, whom Captain Hero believes also has a fraternity. Meanwhile, Ling-Ling's father falls in love with Toot.

Musical number: "Pledging Days"

Foxxy competes in spelling bees, with Spanky as her agent. Captain Hero falls in love with Clara, but fails to impress her, until he discovers Clara has a sexual fetish for car crashes.

Musical number: "No Easy Way Out" and "Holding Out for a Hero"

Captain Hero's "special" son, mothered by his sister, attacks the city. Clara keeps Wooldoor sick to receive attention for taking care of him, although Foxxy is onto her. Features Bill Cosby saying "without the pudding, I'm just another unemployed sexual predator"

Musical number: "Cat's in the Kitchen" (parody)

Captain Hero takes up hunting after being "raped", and getting carried away with firearm usage. Meanwhile, Foxxy hides her grandson Ray-Ray in the walls of the Drawn Together house while she's on trial, and he falls for Toot.

Musical number: "I Wanted You to Know"

Ling-Ling takes up cockfighting in order to bribe the Mexican police into letting himself and Toot leave the country. Captain Hero is desperate to hang out with the Cool Kids, but cannot until Foxxy, who is one of them, gives him a chance to join them.

Musical number: "El Cascabel"

Clara preaches to her housemates about the rapture. When they later get trapped in a parking space, she thinks they have been taken off to Heaven. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang leaves her behind to go to the mall, but end up getting trapped in the van.

While trying to save his friends from the van, Xandir becomes a derelict hobo and abandons them. Meanwhile, Foxxy is captured by a goth cashier at Hot Topic and Clara forgets her religion and becomes a rebellious, sinning henchman of a mailman who she has mistaken for Satan.

Musical number: "Scumma Bumma Grubba Moochie"

During a men's night, Captain Hero, Xandir, Spanky, Wooldoor and Ling-Ling play the "Drawn Together Drinking Game" and become thoroughly drunk; unfortunately, Ling-Ling kills Xandir, depriving him of his last life (as he is a video game character), an act that Ling-Ling feels regret over. Meanwhile, Captain Hero, Spanky and Wooldoor, still drunken, drive out in the Foxxy 5 van to buy some more alcohol, but run over a "homeless" man, who Captain Hero and Wooldoor decide to bring home, while Spanky, being drunken, runs into the bushes. While in the bushes, Spanky meets Charlotte the spider, who he has an overnight affair with. Meanwhile, during Captain Hero's shift to take care of the "homeless man" that he ran over last night, he discovers that the man is his arch-nemesis, Scroto, who makes him wash his testicles. Meanwhile, Spanky is being stalked by Charlotte, after she has become entranced by him. While this is happening, Ling-Ling reveals his tragic backstory and crushed dreams of becoming a dancer to an anger management club, before going out to pursue his dream, and winds up getting a part in the stage production "Drawn Together: The Musical".

Musical number: "Face the Balls"

Wooldoor becomes a mascot for an evil cereal company. Meanwhile, Toot finds all five UPCs with the help of Foxxy and stops the company from enslaving kids.

Musical number: "Carousel of Progress"

The housemates, as baby versions of themselves, accidentally kill their babysitter and try to cover it up from the babysitter's rich boyfriend Chad, their carers, and the infant Captain Hero. The story also explains how the housemates, originally polar opposites of what they are in the actual series, settled into their present-day personalities.

Musical number: "Drawn Together Babies Theme Song"

Guest star: Ian Ziering as Chase Huffington

When Toot challenges Foxxy to cease having sex (and Foxxy challenging Toot to do the opposite), Toot discovers that no one wants to have sex with her until she is hit by a car containing an Indian family, who, believing her to be a sacred talking cow, take her to their home, where she is eventually given the title of "King of India". Meanwhile, Foxxy seeks psychiatric help from Wooldoor, who implants a false memory in her head about being sexually suppressed by Phat Allen and His Junkyard Pals.

Musical number: "Implanted Memories"

The housemates compete in an American Idol-type talent contest. At the end of the episode, the housemates read a letter telling them they have been cancelled and walk into a room marked "Unemployment".

Musical number: "One House", "Daisy Bell", "Black Chick's Tongue", "A Moment Like This", "Ling-Ling Battle Song!", "Fire the Load", "I Wanted You to Know" and "La-La-La-La-Labia" (reprises)